Forever and always #np
I want you forever, forever and always. Through the good and the bad and the ugly. We'll grow old together, forever and always.
I tried to not think about you. I really tried. But you refuse to leave my mind.

Got back a few of your results already? I wonder how you scored. I may not know anything about your results but I can feel that you did quite okay. I know you can do it. I know you will be able to promote up to Sec4exp. I know you can. :') I hope you are healthy like always. Remember i told you i always wish for you to be healthy and happy for every 11:11? Yes, im still making the same wish.

Im really glad to have such good friend like Xueli. Its like, i dont have to open my mouth, i dont even have to show it and she knows what im thinking about. But i guess im quite unfair to her. She told me that i'll be the first person she thinks about when she think back to her secondary school life. No doubt, she'll always be the first girl i think about. She's like a good friend and all. I know im hot-tempered and etc but she tolerated and put up with me for 2years. I wouldn't know what to do if it wasn't for her. But if i were to really think back about my secondary school life, the first person i would think of would be Kenneth again. Its like since the first day of school till April 25 2011, my life revolved around his. Yup. It still is. But at least he would acknowledge my presence in the past. Now he just wish that i would be better off dead..

What should i do? They say capricorn would be the last in the zodiac to fall in love at first sight. And yup, i guess im forever special since im born with ADHD already. What exactly is so good about you? Why do you have to leave such a deep impression in my heart? Why do you have such strong ego and attitude? Why do you have such personality? Why are you so you? Why do i feel so comfortable around you? Why did you make me feel like i can rely on you since sec1? Why are you the type of guy im looking for since the day i know what love is?

I admit, i've kept alot of things from you. Even till today, there are still things i didn't say. There are still alot of secrets that i kept from you or even Xueli. I actually made alot of plans. But it doesn't matter now, does it? It doesn't. It doesn't matter even if i were to say them all out now. Because the longer i keep them inside, the heavier it weighs. Im not as healthy and cheerful as before. I cant take the weight of all these plans and secrets along with the exams stress. I guess i should slowly let them all out. Actually after our fourth month, i wanted to distance myself from you. Not because the feeling is fading but because the feeling is too strong. So strong that im really losing myself. So strong that im afraid i couldn't survive once you leave me. I wanted to distance myself. Alot. From you. I want to use a month time where i distance myself, to grow up. To become a woman. To become the type of girl that you wanted. Yes, i know it sounds stupid. But after our fourth month, you made me realise that you have been giving enough and now its my turn to do something for you. I thought about a break up then. But i know there is no way i can leave you alone. I know i would be consumed by my feelings. I wanted to grow up so much then. I wanted to promise you about our future.

Little did i know you didn't want me anymore. I didn't know that we ain't as strong as you say we were. I didn't know that the love wasn't as deep as you assured me. I thought i was special. For once, i felt that i was special. But i didn't know that you cried for every other girls too. I didn't know that i actually ain't worth it. I didn't know that i wasn't special. I wasn't worth it..

What exactly happened to me. I wanted to give up on myself so much. Because i really dont know what to do. Why are you, you? Why. Its hurting too much. Way too much. No matter what i say, it wouldn't bring you back. No matter what i say, you wouldn't forgive me. I really wish that you could think from where im standing. I really hope you could understand how exactly i feel to have to keep this feeling, this crush for four  years. But i should know that there was no way you will read this blog. Its the only place where i can rant. I admit, im  a cry baby. I never fail to cry everytime i blog. I never fail to tear when i sit infront of the mirror to look at myself. I dont have the courage to look at myself in the mirror without crying because i ain't worth it. Im not good enough for you. There isn't a night where i can sleep properly. For 6months, im still struggling. Its either i cant sleep or i'll dream about you. I prayed and wished and did everything i could. But this feeling ain't going away.

How i wish you knew how much you meant to me. But i guess you ain't a mind reader. There is no way you will know about these..