我们都傻 #np

I cried and cried and cried. 

Talked to Xueli about how big of a failure i am, what a bad daughter i have been for 16years. Daddy and mummy working so hard, pampering me like a princess yet im there breaking their heart crying everynight. I had a long talk with daddy and mummy after i bathe when i got home. I dont know how i should feel because all i did was to cry and cry. Since leaving NUH till now. From 9pm till now i've been crying. Its 12:07am already. Yes. I've been crying and crying and crying. 

Daddy and mummy tried whatever they could to talk some sense into me. They said that some things in life really have to wait. Its all fated. But i dont know how to let you go. You are the reason to why im so insecure now. You are the reason why i have no confidence. Do you understand how i feel? They always say there have no expectations towards me. If needed, i shall just retain and study another year. But because they have no expectation from me, the expectation i give myself is higher than a skyscraper. They say they've seen me studying very hard for these few months. They say im studying harder than how sis use to study. But they dont realise that at times i cried because of you while studying. Or most of the times. I cry because im annoyed with myself. I cried because i cant seems to concentrate with the work im doing because you are always running thru my mind. 

Im sorry mummy and daddy. Im sorry that i broke your heart because of a boy. But you little daughter here is so ignorant. You little daughter here is still stuck because he was her first love. I know your heartaches when i cry because of him. But your little daughter here really liked him. I know if things are meant to be, it will be. But i really need help in getting over that feeling. I know you dont expect much from me. But mummy, daddy, i expect alot from myself. But now i really have no confidence. Because of him. Yes. He made me lose all my confidence because i think i ain't good enough. Sorry mummy. Sorry daddy. Dont ask me whats so good about him but i've liked him since day one. 

And to kenneth, sometimes i wish you knew about this blog. Because all that's written here, are words from the bottom of my heart. Because all these are things i have never dared to tell anyone. But i should prolly guess you wont give a damn and you wont even be bothered. But something you should know, i've waited since day one, 3years ago, on the first day of school.